On grace and grafting...

As an important part of our community of family and friends, we hope that you will take the time to inform yourself and your family about international adoption as you prepare to be a part of our child's life.  This page includes some "Things to Consider" as well as some books and CDs that may be helpful.

   Multi-racial Family

• Being in a multi-racial family and community will be easy. Just having a child of a different race makes a family multi-racial.  However, being a transracialized family and community takes serious effort on everyone's part.  We are educating ourselves and our children and are making profound changes in our life to become transracial.  You may want to consider making some adjustments to your household as well.
• Bring multi-cultural toys and books into your home, church library, or church nursery.  Even if you are not a trans-racial family, create opportunities for your children to be comfortable with people of all colours.
• Educate yourself about other cultures (specifically South African in regards to our family).  Read up on some of the history, the peoples, learn the basic geography.  Read some South African authors or look at some artwork.  Listen to some South African music -- we've got some great recommendations!
• These are only the first steps in becoming transracialized, but they are a good start.  We'll fill you in on other ideas as we learn more about this topic.

  Attachment

• Attachment is one of the most significant challenges in adoption.   Attachment is easy for a newborn to her natural mother, but difficult for an adopted child to his new family. 
• The first year as an adoptive family is very important.  Therefore we will do different things with our new child than we have with our previous ones.  We may seem overprotective, but really it is just forming a deep attachment with a child that is not biological.

  Language of Adoption

• Language is important and the language of adoption can shape the way we think and feel about adoption.  Below are a list of problematic terms with better terms included:

1. "Real" Mom or Dad -- Adoptive parents are as real as biological parents.  A better term is "biological" or "birth parents"
2. "is adopted" -- actually "was adopted" is better.  This way it doesn't define who they are now, just how they joined the family.
3. "two of their own and one adopted" -- (when speaking of biological and adopted children) "of their own" isn't cool -- instead, "biological" -- or better yet, why differentiate?  Is it necessary that the adoption topic come up?
4. Remember, a story of adoption is also a personal story.  We plan to be open about the process and invite you to join in our journey, but please don't be offended if there are some questions that we don't answer.  We need to consider the privacy of our child as well.

 Books for You:

Attaching in Adoption: Practical Tools for Today's Parents by Deborah Gray

20 Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew by Sherry Eldridge

Toddler Adoption: The Weaver's Craft by Mary Hopkins-Best

 Books for Children:

A Mother For Choco by Keiko Kasza

Sesame Street: We're Different, We're The Same by Bobbi Kates

 Music for Children:

Gift of the Tortoise:  A Musical Journey through Southern Africa - Ladysmith Black Mambazo

Songs of Our World - Raffi

Big Wide Grin - Keb' Mo'